Have you experience the pain of divorce? Is your marriage on the rocks and you're considering the D-word? Can reconciliation happen? What if you are remarried? This article will help you pursue healing personally and relationally by considering the best path forward in your marriage, remarriage, or singleness after divorce. As a pastor for over 20 years, I have counseled dozens of people on restoration of their marriage and healing after divorce. My heart is to talk about this with tenderness, not judgment. Because, let’s be honest, we’re dealing with real people, real pain, and real hope here.
Have you ever noticed how easy it is to throw things away these days? We buy cheap clothes knowing they won’t last. We upgrade our phones the moment a new one comes out. But what happens when that same disposable mindset creeps into our relationships?
What if we’ve been treating something sacred—like marriage—with the same “quick and replaceable” attitude? And more importantly, what does Jesus have to say about it?
This isn’t a new struggle. In fact, when you read through the book of Matthew, you’ll see that Jesus addressed these very same questions about relationships — especially about marriage, divorce, and remarriage. So, today, that’s where we’re going to camp out.
First, let’s zoom out and remember what marriage is meant to be. It’s not just a legal contract we can break when things get hard. It’s a covenant — a living, breathing picture of Jesus’ unwavering, sacrificial, forgiving love for His church. That’s the kind of love that doesn’t quit when things get messy.
Jesus makes this super clear in Matthew 19. Trying to trap Jesus with tricky questions, the Pharisees (religious experts) asked Him if it was okay to divorce for any reason. And Jesus, as He always does, goes straight to the heart:
"Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate." (Matthew 19:4-6 ESV)
Basically, Jesus says, "This was never meant to be disposable. Marriage is designed to reflect God’s original plan — unity, commitment, and love that endures."
Both Jews and Christians were dealing with a lot of confusion. Some notable Jewish ancestors practiced polygamy. Many first century Christians had come out of pagan backgrounds with broken or complicated marital histories. Some people in the church were wondering:
"Now that I’m a Christian, should I leave my current spouse if they’re not a believer?"
"If I was divorced before I believed, should I now try to go back and remarry my original spouse to make things right?"
"Is it holier to be single now that I follow Jesus?"
Paul answers by encouraging stability and peace rather than upheaval.
Now, before we go any further, I want to pause because I know some of you reading this have walked through the pain of divorce...or maybe you’re considering it right now. I want to you to hear me when I say, "I see you and I care." More importantly, God sees you...and He cares for you more than you could ever imagine! This is a tender place, and we’re going to tread carefully here.
Jesus acknowledges that divorce happens because of the "hardness of heart" (Matthew 19:8). It was never God’s ideal, but in our broken world, it became a concession. People’s hearts get hard. There’s betrayal, abuse, neglect. Sometimes reconciliation just isn’t possible.
Paul echoes this in 1 Corinthians 7:
"To the married I give this charge (not I, but the Lord): the wife should not separate from her husband (but if she does, she should remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband), and the husband should not divorce his wife." (1 Corinthians 7:10-11 ESV)
So, if you’re divorced and your former spouse hasn’t remarried, Scripture encourages you to prayerfully consider reconciliation. Not out of guilt, but because God is in the business of bringing dead things back to life. That’s His specialty.
But I get it — that it is not always possible. Maybe your ex has remarried. Maybe there’s been deep harm. God sees your pain. He draws near to the brokenhearted. And even when reconciliation isn’t possible, restoration in your heart is. Don’t lose hope.
Let’s talk about that too, because I know some of you are already in a new marriage and wondering, "Now what?"
The answer isn’t to undo where you are. It’s to seek repentance — to acknowledge if mistakes were made — and then to press into making your current marriage one that reflects God’s heart.
Paul addresses this idea in 1 Corinthians 7
Paul writes:
"Only let each person lead the life that the Lord has assigned to him, and to which God has called him. This is my rule in all the churches... Each one should remain in the condition in which he was called." (vv. 17, 20)
And specifically, regarding marriage:
"Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be free. Are you free from a wife? Do not seek a wife." (v. 27)
Remain as You Were Called
Paul’s teaching carries this principle:
"So, brothers, in whatever condition each was called, there let him remain with God." (1 Corinthians 7:24 ESV)
[Remember, though, that this doesn’t mean you need to remain in a marriage marked with abuse or unfaithfulness.]
Paul's teaching is especially important when applied to marriage and divorce:
Many people today come to faith after complicated pasts — divorce, remarriage, blended families. Paul’s words offer both challenge and comfort:
They challenge us to honor our current commitments and not create more chaos in an attempt to "reset" our life.
They comfort us by reminding us that God’s grace meets us where we are. We don’t have to undo every relational knot to be truly His.
Here’s something I was reflecting on while walking my dog (where I do my best thinking): God’s grace is thick — it covers so much. But we access that grace through repentance. That’s why Scripture talks about it so much. Repentance isn’t about shame; it’s about softening our hearts, acknowledging where we went off track, and receiving God’s mercy anew.
We’ve all messed up. Every single one of us. But grace meets us right where we are — when we turn back to Him.
So, let’s get practical. What does Jesus say about all this?
Marriage is meant to be a covenant — a reflection of God’s love, not a contract to break when it’s convenient.
Divorce is not God’s ideal — but it became permitted because of the brokenness in human hearts.
God’s heart is always for reconciliation — when and where possible.
If you’re married: Fight for your marriage. Make it a covenant, not a contract. Let it be a living picture of Jesus’ love — sacrificial, forgiving, enduring.
If you’re divorced: Seek reconciliation if it’s possible. If it’s not, know that God still has a future and a hope for you. He draws near to you in your pain.
If you’ve remarried: Repent where needed and commit to making your current marriage one that honors God. Don’t look back in shame; look forward in grace.
And if you’re single? Don’t think for a second that you’re missing out. God’s calling for your life is just as high and holy. Your singleness is a gift, too.
At the end of the day, Jesus’ words can feel weighty because they call us to a higher standard. But they’re also full of hope. Because the same Jesus who calls us to this covenantal love is the one who forgives, restores, and makes all things new.
So, wherever you are today — married, divorced, remarried, or single — there’s grace for you. And there’s always, always hope.
Personal Reflection Questions:
1. In what ways have I viewed or treated marriage more like a contract than a covenant, and how might God be inviting me to reflect His unwavering, sacrificial love more fully in my relationships?
2. If I’ve experienced the pain of divorce, am I open to seeking reconciliation where possible, or receiving God’s grace and committing to honor Him in my current season or relationship?
3. Where might God be calling me to practice repentance — not out of shame, but as a pathway to experience His abundant grace and restoration in my life?
Lord, thank You for Your faithful and covenant love. Help me to reflect that love in my relationships, especially in my view of marriage. Where I’ve fallen short, lead me to true repentance and surround me with Your grace. Heal the broken places in my heart and guide me in honoring You with my life and my commitments. I trust in Your power to restore and renew. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
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